26 Mar
Can you believe this outrage one of my Republican "friend" sent me, should I cease all communication with her?
Posted in personal injury attorney on 26.03.11
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For those that don’t know about history … Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals AKA Democrats
2. Conservatives AKA Republicans
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement…
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self…..I’m going to have another beer.
2 comments on this topic
26. March - 9:49 pm
Lemme guess…this was all written in size 36 Comic Sans, wasn’t it?
26. March - 9:49 pm
I don’t drink beer. But its a pretty good history.
26. March - 9:49 pm
lol,,how sweet it is.The truth hurts don’t it boy.
26. March - 9:49 pm
i’m a con.,and i drink red wine & smoke weed…i also enjoy hunting,and killin’ what i eat…this assessment sounds pretty accurate to me…
26. March - 9:49 pm
A conservative would easily be smart enough to figure the ruse or satire, as history is always written from a liberally biased perspective. Yeah, we get jokes.
26. March - 9:49 pm
Haha I love it.
26. March - 9:49 pm
That is just an awful portrayal of the liberal movement
26. March - 9:49 pm
:} Brilliant
Pass the Coors Please:}
26. March - 9:49 pm
Unless Liberals in time evolve into Conservatives there is great danger they will become extinct. No one can live forever on the leftovers of the more productive.
26. March - 9:49 pm
i invented the glass bottle! i don’t willingly share my profits with those that do not produce, "No, beer for you, is what i would tell them. "Who is John Gault?" -… ….
26. March - 9:49 pm
You know, the ironic thing about this is that for all their talk of going out and doing all the productive labor, conservatives seem to have a lot more time to spend composing and polishing silly chain emails. I get stuff like this from conservative friends and family all the time, but the closest thing I can recall seeing in a liberal vein is a page of George Carlin jokes.
26. March - 9:49 pm
Well the beer thing makes sense, even though the author needs a lesson on imported beer, I’m guessing corona is the only imported beer they’ve heard of, they can keep their watered down p** they call miller or budweiser.
Other then that this sounds like something someone wrote to make themself feel special and better then everyone else. It’s a bunch of bunk.
26. March - 9:49 pm
Sounds about right… not sure about all the details.. lol
Are you seriously thinking about ceasing communication with your friend over this?
Or was that a sarcastic girly, liberal reaction??
26. March - 9:49 pm
Tell your so called ”friend” that if he’s paying cheaper for what’s on tap, then he must have a lot going for them.
26. March - 9:49 pm
I have tried to push aside the cockiness of your words in an attempt to gather some intelligent insight into this essay but your making an assumption that is probably very flawed. It seems that it is largely based on ones assumption that those of us who are have a different belief system are some how genetically flawed while those in your group are somehow more enlightened or superior. I certainly hope that you are not cognitively challenged enough to think that your personal experiences obtains for everyone else or that your opinions actually matter. Some Liberals, not me of course, have a particularly low tolerance level for debate techniques that distort reality in an attempt to be insulting.
I don’t like beer or spirits and I don’t eat meat.
Peace and Love
26. March - 9:49 pm
You take some things too seriously.
26. March - 9:49 pm
I don’t drink beer or wine. Independent.